Perfect in my imperfection

My feet are callused in covering the earth.
My knees are scarred from daring risks.
My belly is soft and I have three beautiful babies.
My chest is freckled -kissed by the sun.
My mouth is wrinkled from too much smiling
And I am perfect in my imperfection.

Empowering our teachers

“Import illuminates the way to happiness”   

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

 It’s Field Day Friday and everyone is happy at my school…because we have 13 days left before summer vacation. 

Are we excited about the everyday teachable moments that are to come in the next few weeks? 
No. 
Are we happy that we get to touch the future?
No.  
We are happy that we are getting away from it all very soon. 

Teaching school is laborious. Through state testing and unreal expectations, our “flow” state has been seized.  Creativity is no longer celebrated and we are daunted by the futility of keeping up with demands.  We are frustrated by the treadmill of rising expectations and feel out of control.  We are micromanaged, discouraged and drained.

 Dallas- we have a serious problem.     

When teachers tell you that they get a stomachache on Sunday evenings because they have to go to work the next morning- something is wrong!  When teachers tell you that they feel unsupported and unappreciated-that should not be ignored!   When teachers tell you that their emotional bank accounts are overdrawn- they will be walking out of your school soon!

 As a coach, I understand the importance of motivation.  My client and I first set clear and achievable goals together.   I then provide them with immediate feedback, letting them know where they are and how far they have come.   Coaches encourage so that the athlete feels strong, motivated and confident.  The athletes’ motivation soon becomes intrinsic as they discover what they are truly capable of.  In return many want to share that power and inspire others through their love of sport. 

Don’t we owe this kind of empowerment to our teachers?  Shouldn’t we make our external conditions match our goals?  Don’t teachers deserve to enjoy what they do and derive pleasure from coloring outside the lines?

Teachers deserve a good coach who motivates and uplifts them.  They deserve a strong sense of self, a passionate boss with a love for life and learning.  Teachers deserve more than time off to regain their power.  They deserve appreciation and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with changing one’s life.

I implore you to start celebrating the gifts that teachers share- because I promise that they are smart enough to search for their bliss in another profession.     

Awakening Heart

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”  Buddha

She sat down in the silence to meditate, floating out of her body to scrutinize the 41 year old woman sitting cross-legged and fidgety.  She dove in- past the freckled skin, through strong muscles and dense bones -straight to her heart. 

There she asked for compassion. 

Compassion for the little girl whose mother left when she was 7.

Compassion for the 3^rd grader who made her first B.
Compassion for the teenager held prisoner in her own house. 
Compassion for the college student who learned she wasn’t good at everything. 
Compassion for the young teacher who prayed she would get in a car accident on the way to work, and compassion for the woman who lost her first baby girl when she was 16 weeks pregnant.

She admired the mother that sometimes loses her patience, the woman who works too much, and the athlete that often is unappreciative of her body’s constant sacrifice.

She admitted anger towards her sidekick who died and left her way too soon. 

She honored the marriage that ended in divorce, acquitted the friend that often doesn’t call back, and forgave her heart for doubting its capacity to give and receive love. 

 And when she did, her soul covered her in a protective blanket of grace, and she finally believed that she was deserving of an unconditional love.  And she was no longer afraid.

Fancy equipment or not- we are all God

Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in the eyes of the Divine. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, and no more greed. … I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other.—Thomas Merton

Saturday is packet pickup and transition set up day for the St Anthony’s triathlon.  I am surrounded my millions of dollars of intimidating equipment.   Statuesque bodies set up $5,000.00 bikes, $350.00 swim skins, $200.00 running shoes, and various other equipment lined in perfect rows.  As I look out into the ocean that is to be my battleground, I feel deflated.  I’m a trail runner, I don’t belong here.  How did I get talked into this?   

But on race morning as I line up with one hundred and twenty other 40-44 year old females, I no longer feel threatened, but INSPIRED!  Our bodies are squeezed into black wetsuits and our hair is hidden under red swim caps.  We kiss the sand with our painted toenails and goggles disguise the color of our eyes.  We look the same.  The same nervous energy bounces through the crowd as we swing our arms to warm up.  We gasp the same breath as we step into the cold ocean.  Our hearts have the same intention, our souls the same courage.   For a moment I ponder how each woman came to be here.  Is she a mom?  Does she work full time?  Does she train at 3 in the morning or 9:00 at night?  What has she endured?  What has she given?

The horn sounds and as we dive into the choppy ocean together in one big group, I am reminded once again of the divinity that resides within all beings.  Fancy equipment or not, we are all God. 

I don't give a rat's ass about Gwyneth Paltrow's "Slim Body Secrets"

You're insecure, Don’t know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
Don't need make-up, to cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough.

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe.....
You don't know you're beautiful,
That's what makes you beautiful.
One Direction

 The April issue of SELF magazine made me throw up in my own mouth.

Maybe I’m just getting old; but its cover promise of “waking up gorgeous, melting 10 lbs. of belly fat, and a toned butt and thighs,” really made me think about how much our ego plays into our psyche.    

Why do we spend so much time and energy trying to change ourselves? 

Because we believe we would be happier if we dropped 10 lbs? 

Because we believe someone would love us more if there were no dark circles under our eyes? 

I’m a HUGE promoter of health and wellness.  I believe in being healthy and strong so you can climb to the top of Pikes Peak to see the breathtaking view.  I believe in self-confidence and athleticism so that you can take in the Grand Canyon from Rim to Rim (and back).  I believe in sweaty yoga that feels like the best massage, and the exhilaration of flying down a hill on your bike at 40 mph.

However, I know that finding the right moisturizer to look younger or following Gwyneth Paltrow’s plan for slim body secrets” will give you a complex- not inner strength. 

Tara Grady once said, “A person is only beautiful, when their own beauty, is reflecting onto others.”  I’ve seen this beauty.  It is striking and vibrant.  It can be seen with your eyes, and felt with your heart.   It has muscles and guts and vigor. 

I wish more magazines would share about the light from within.  Then we would all be truly beautiful inside and out.

"If I die out here today...."

“I may be going to hell in a bucket baby- but at least I’m enjoying the ride!”

The Grateful Dead

 The clouds are thick and foreboding, the air heavy and moist.  Chilling electricity strokes the hair on my arms and it’s clear that my trail running friends and I are about to face a tempest.  We’re at mile 4, in the middle of a cow pasture when the lightning strikes.  We count “one, two…..”CRASH!    

Hail pelts us in the face and we laugh to disguise our fear. 
“If I die out here today….just know that I died happy”  I tell my running buddies.

 

The truth is that I really would be happy if I died doing something I love like running trails.  I’m not afraid to die.  I believe that the source of my being (whatever you want to call it in your religion) is all light and true love, and that I will return to that source when I die. 
But while I am here with this borrowed body, I want to experience and enjoy all this earth has to offer. 

 I want to climb mountains and to run through forests so green that you believe that fairies really do exist. 

To ride fast and free, and swim in water so clear that you can see the bottom of the ocean. 
To breathe air so fresh and clean that you become intoxicated.

 I want to drink wine as red as blood, and coffee so strong that I can’t sit still.  To eat milk chocolate that melts in your hands and your mouth, and warm scones covered in honey.

 I want to give long kisses, and big bear hugs.  I want to snuggle by the fire, and stay awake all night because I can’t get enough of your voice. 

 I want to take warm showers with mint soap that makes my skin tingle, and dry myself with fluffy towels fresh from the dryer. 

 I want to experience pain and pleasure all in the same day.  To laugh until my belly hurts  and cry myself to sleep.  To dance and sing, to be still and to listen.

 I want to give and to be compassionate.  To learn and to grow.

.And when I have accomplished all that this life has to offer me, I will gratefully return to my source. 

Fearless, free and truly happy.

Wake up and Live!

 

“I feel I’m on top again lately, it’s got everything to do with you.  I’m alive.”  Love and Rockets

You’ve seen it in movies like How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Eat, Pray, Love.  The forty something year old woman loses herself to a mundane life.  She forgets that she is strong, and beautiful and wise.  She forgets the source of her soul, and that she is light and love.  She forgets what it’s like to feel alive. 

Over the past three years I have been on a quest to feel:  to be fearless, compassionate and free.  I’ve found that the people I have been drawn to- those free souls- have the following qualities that make you want to be near them.  They make you feel safe and comfortable….. Just plain happy! 

Free souls are passionate.  They enjoy their life and the people in their life.  They open themselves to adventure, even though they know they could possibly fail.  They are confident, energetic and romantic. 

They are grateful.  They believe that we don’t “earn” or “own” anything in this life, but that we have the pleasure of borrowing our bodies, possessions and relationships while we are here on earth.  They consistently thank the universe for those blessings.

They are compassionate.  They believe that all beings come from the same source which is pure light and love.  That all beings have something to contribute here on this earth, and that all beings fight some kind of battle on our visit here.  We are the same- therefore we appreciate each other.

They have no expectations.  Peaceful people do not expect others to act a certain way, do certain things or have certain beliefs.  They may be disappointed in another’s actions, but they know that it is not our job to change people.

They are fearless.  They take risks and they ask for what they need.  They keep in constant communication with their instinct so that they are not eaten up by worry or doubt.

They love.  They send love out into the world no matter what their circumstances.  They give because they love, they serve because they love, and they live because they love. 

Oprah Winfrey said “Surround yourself with only people who will lift you higher.”  In my quest to do this I have learned to love unconditionally, I have let go of any expectations for the people that I cross paths with, and I have learned that I can’t save the world- but I can love the world.  By remembering my source, I’ve found my soul and passion.   And that is how Jennifer got her groove back.